Learning how to brag

My hands are on the keyboard but my eyes are staring out to the garden. I am pondering. Considering. Digging.

My partner is working next to me. “What are you thinking about?"

“I am looking for something to brag about”

“Ah, bragging Thursday”. Gael knows by now.

But you maybe don’t. So let me explain it to you.

The ladies of the Amsterdam improv scene started a closed Facebook group a year ago and I love being part of it. One of the first posts there was in may 2019: my friend Joana shared that she learned that one of the reasons men appear more successful is because they brag to others.

She therefore invited us to brag. Every week.

We are 64 weeks since that post and we -a bunch of Amsterdam improvising womxn- have bragged about ourselves every single week. I myself make an effort to never skip.

I brag when I feel awesome.

I also brag when I am down in the dumps.

Why? I think practicing bragging is good for anyone who is not male, including myself. Showing confidence is something that women are not used to: many of us did not grow up being encouraged to show pride in ourselves. Our society tends to judge women for showing confident behaviours.

Interestingly, research shows that women actually are not less confident. It is just that we get more backlash for showing it.

That includes the field of teaching improv. When I ask improv teachers about their level of experience, the ones that say “Very advanced” (without blinking) are often male, while the ones saying: “Difficult, I can not compare myself to others” are -you guessed it- usually female.

It is no secret that I wish more female and non-male improvisers would start teaching. A great place to start would be for them to brag, and stop playing small.

All of us can help levelling the playing field in this area.

So…

Brag it up, non-bragging friends (any gender). Adopt Bragging Thursdays if you need to. Start a weekly text with 1 friend, or a group. Learn how to own your skills, talents and achievements. It is a practice and getting used to it will do wonders for your mood, your success and the prices you ask.

And for all my confidence showing friends (any gender): invite the brag. Ask your friend or colleague what they think they rocked at recently. Yes, they might get awkward. That is okay. Give space for it. It is a practice. A good practice.